Monthly Archives: August 2012


Greetings from the mountain top…

Many of the 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks who visit the mountain top proudly proclaim their aversion to all things meat (well, almost all things).  When pressed for details as to ‘why’ they usually respond with vacant stares and vacuous arguments about saving the planet, humane treatment of animals, and a healthier diet.


The truth is salad kills and vegetarians are engaged in a ruthless campaign to eliminate humans from this planet.  I, for one, will not sit idly while the murderous vegans wage a silent war against my existence.

Much like trying to find a virgin in Los Angeles, looking for logic in the vegetarian argument is futile at best.  The truth is there are a few, basic realities that must be considered when debating meat eating versus plant:

1)               All life on earth needs oxygen to survive.

2)               Plants produce nearly all of the oxygen on earth.

3)               Methane and carbon dioxide form the majority of dangerous greenhouse gases.

4)               Methane is responsible for nearly as much global warming as all other non carbon dioxide gases combined.

5)               Methane is 21 times more powerful a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide.

6)               Animal agriculture produces over 100 million tons of methane each year.


1)     Eating plants robs the earth of vital oxygen.

2)     Eating plants allows deadly methane producers (animals) to reproduce freely.

3)     Eating animals instead of plants allows for more oxygen while greatly reducing methane.

Save the earth.  Eat meat.

Peace out ya carnivorous freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy


Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru was interviewed recently by a media outlet, and the reporter asked lots of questions about my many lifetimes, the truths I had learned, my students, and my influences.

When the topic turned to one of my favorite gurus, a foul-mouthed, rough-edged janitor named Eddy (about whom I have written on many occasions), the reporter became rather pushy.

“Was Eddy real?” he asked.

I didn’t answer.

“There are no photographs of him. No video recordings. The people in the neighborhood where you say he lived shake their heads, laugh, and walk away when the name ‘Eddy’ is uttered. No one even has a last name. Was Eddy real?”

I laughed in answer.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I laugh because I know exactly how Eddy would answer that question,” was my reply.

“How is that?”

“Oh, Eddy he’d just let out a big breath, relax as if he was being held by his momma in a warm blanket, and he would smile….he would smile in a serene manner like you see the Buddha in a statue…then he’d look at the floor, shake his head like he had just heard a private joke. His eyes would pause for a second (and you never knew if he was gathering his courage or restraining his fury) then those charcoal grey eyes of his would rise up and hold your gaze as only your mother can and only on those few occasions when you know you’ve really messed up and it’s pay attention or die….that kind of look…and he’d say…

“Fuck you.”

Peace out ya journalist freaks

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Greetings from the mountain top…

The 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks who come to study at the feet of The Guru started a tradition many years ago (I’m not talking about the tradition of removing clothing and sitting…but, I digress) of playing a verbal game called Frustration.

The object is pretty simple–think of as many ways as possible to frustrate yourself.

What’s the point? It’s fun, for one. But also, Frustration tends to show how petty our daily annoyances are and the game has a way of liberating us from our predisposition toward negativity by pointing out the absurdity of the little things that steal our happiness.  Learn to laugh at the negative and you learn to smile at life.

Ways To Frustrate Yourself…

…look for coffee in Provo, Utah

…look for a virgin in Los Angeles

…be a eunuch and go to the whorehouse on free pussy day

…surf news channels waiting for intelligent utterings

…go to Congress and wait for something useful to occur

…look for weed at a NA meeting

…hope to find a stable relationship by searching on craigslist

…expect reality TV to produce one meaningful, poignant moment

…hope that a car with a religious bumper sticker won’t drive slow in the passing lane

…hope that someone with a coexist bumper sticker won’t look smug as you pass them on the highway

…go to a meeting of democrats and search for an open mind

…go to a meeting of republicans and find empathy

…go to a meeting of independents and find even one strain of common discourse

…listen for meaningful discussions at a strip club

…get a man to not stare at your tits at a night club

…look for a clean nose at a day care

…rev your engine to make the traffic light change color

…press the elevator button repeatedly to close the door

…expect a teenager to make sense

…wait for your parents to understand you

Peace out ya frustrated freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy



Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru has long taught about the power of time and how good comes from bad, peace grows from turmoil, and order arises from chaos if only we are patient and allow the change to blossom of it’s own accord.

Recently, I saw a film and the lesson has never been captured  more beautifully or more emotionally.  I highly recommend this movie to you:

Mother and Child, 2009, with Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, Kerry Washington and a cast of others you’ll instantly recognize.

Peace out ya loving freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Movies, Philosophy


Greetings from the mountain top…

The guru two mountains over stopped by recently to discuss current events.  As usual, we spent more time laughing than discussing mainly because the less time we spend in the lands down below the more absurd (or is that entertaining?) the show becomes.

We humans think we have progressed so far–Electricity, space flight, artificial hearts, two million cable channels, a black president, smart phones, nanobots, Jersey Shore, and more.   We are the epitome of evolution and a legend in our own minds.  Why, with our superior minds and opposable thumbs, there is nothing we cannot do, no obstacle we can’t overcome, no advance we cannot make.  We’re king of the world!

Well, almost.

As we head to the backstretch of 2012 I call to your attention the tiniest sampling of  headlines from this year:

Minnesota Lawmaker in Rest Stop Sex Scandal with Teen Boys Changes Mind, Drops Re-election Bid

Air Force Relieves Commander Over Sex Scandal

Secret Service Agents Fired in Sex Scandal

Anthony Weiner Sexting Scandal

Allison Meyers; the RNC Young Donor Director Fired Over a Bondage Club Scandal

Before you shake your head at the downfall of modern man, realize that sex has never been defeated at any point in history.

Anyone remember a couple named Adam and Eve? What about Julius Caesar and Cleopatra? An obsessed freak named King Henry VIII?  How about Benjamin Franklin, connoisseur extraordinaire of whores? Thomas Jefferson and his love toy (and slave) Sally Jennings? Our only gay president, James Buchanan (I shit you not)?, The Victoria’s Secret of his time, J. Edgar Hoover? Warren Harding  who had a fifteen year affair with the wife of a close friend?  You get the point.

No matter how far we progress, how intelligent we become, how advanced our brains, we are–and shall remain–animals subject to our base drives, our instinctual urges, and the need to get our freak on.

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!  Undefeated throughout history.  Stronger than any human.  Ladies and gentleman, I introduce to you the first, the only, undefeated, undisputed true champion of the universe…SEX.

Peace out ya fornicating freaks


Filed under Philosophy, Sexuality


Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru and his saggy buttocks are angrier than a eunuch who discovers an all-you-can-fuck for $100 whore house.

A Grande Island, Nebraska school (using the word island in a land-locked state makes as much sense as opening a Starbucks in Provo, Utah) is asking a three-year-old deaf boy to change his name because the sign language symbol for his name (Hunter) violates school policy against anything that looks like a weapon.

I have a sign for those school officials and it only takes one finger to create.

Peace out ya signing freaks

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Greetings from the mountain top…

Part of the job of a guru is attempting to make sense of difficult subjects, questions, and debates.  Part of that process is having the patience to walk completely around a topic (sometimes for years), to poke and prod, to not form rapid, emotional conclusions and then to set the topic aside for a while before ultimately issuing an answer.

All of that is a polite way of saying that this lesson isn’t one entered in to lightly.

Let me save some time for those of you, on either side of the abortion issue, who may be lighting torches and heading to the mountain top–there is no opinion or ultimate answer in the words to follow.  Just a dissection of what has passed for intelligent discourse these past decades.

In the movie The Wizard of Oz Dorothy and her band of misfits, after asking a simple request from an ‘all powerful’ being, were sent on a seemingly impossible task–bring back the broom of the Wicked Witch of the West.  The wizard knew the task a waste of time which was exactly the point–get those pesky thinkers out of his midst before they ruined a good gig.

So it is with politicians and the election-time rehashing of the debate on abortion.

The Guru finds it most interesting that–as with homosexual marriage–the abortion debate tends to most often rear it’s head around election time.  It could be said elections are the ideal opportunity to discuss what is really important, but The Guru is more cynical (you try living multiple lifetimes and not becoming a tad jaded about politicians) and believes those who orchestrate such debates do so to distract us all from the real question; namely, how the fuck are you doing–Mr. Politician–at the job (representing our needs) you were elected for and handsomely paid to do?

The truth is the ‘powers-that-be’ would much rather we argue amongst ourselves while they diddle us in the nether regions.

The typical questions of whether or not abortion is a woman’s choice, an abomination before God , an affront to nature, or none of our damn business is always framed within such narrow terms that I laugh out loud at the absurdity of ever finding a common answer.

For example, the argument that a woman can do with her body whatever she chooses –absurd.  Can she sell her pussy for money?  Nope–ask The Mayflower Madam or Heidi Fleiss or any crack whore on a big city street.  Can a woman, or any man for that matter, take their own life?  Well, yes you technically can…but it’s illegal.  What about selling an organ for profit–a kidney, for example?  Again, you cannot and will be swiftly arrested and prosecuted should you try.

Whether or not those actions should be legal is an entirely different debate, but please don’t toss out the ‘woman’s right’ argument.  It holds no water regardless of court decisions.

So abortion is an abomination against God’s will?  The Bible (if that’s what you choose to follow) does have a commandment against taking a life and those who believe that text should adhere to it, but what about non-Christians? Should they have to follow the rules of a religion that isn’t theirs?  Isn’t forcing ones religious beliefs into the courtroom the same thing feared by Christians about Islamic fundamentalists and Sharia law?   If it is right for Christians to force their belief on others in one topic (abortion) then why is it not right for all of their beliefs to be forced on all others as well?

I hear you saying that this is a Christian nation and we should live by God’s law. Actually, bucko, no.  It isn’t.  The United States of America is a nation of freedom to choose your own religion and that freedom has led to a majority of citizens choosing Christianity.  That’s not the same as a nation based on one particular ideology.  In fact, that’s the antithesis of the desires of our founding fathers.

Then abortion must be against nature because nature always protects life, especially the life of the young, correct?  Again, the argument doesn’t hold.  Infantcide in the animal kingdom is very common (in particular among primates, cats, dogs, rodents, insects, and fish) and occurs for numerous reasons including: to gain food, to gain increased access to nesting sites or space, to avoid caring for unrelated offspring, and to bias the sex ratio of the litter along with a multitude of other reasons.

Children, none of the traditional arguments about abortion (pro or con) hold water when thoroughly examined, and The Guru has examined them since well before Roe v Wade.  What tends to happen instead of true examination of this issue, unfortunately, is that rhetoric is increased, embers are flamed during election season, and rational discourse disappears like a fart in the wind.

There is no answer because abortion is a koan (look it up, The Guru ain’t a vocabulary teacher) and it is a tool used to distract us from the issues destined to overwhelm our society.  The next time a politician raises the issue of abortion or homosexual marriage calm your emotions and think–it’s not a four-letter word–about what this individual could possibly not want you to think about.

What are they truly hiding behind the curtain?

Yes, children, sometimes a guru never reaches an answer because the question asked is intentionally unsolvable.  A koan.  Some tasks, or questions, are meant to be a fool’s errand whether it be claiming a broom or debating that which has no answer.

“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” Dorothy and her crew were told by the Wizard.  Perhaps it’s time you did paid attention.

Peace out ya yellow brick freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy, Politics, religion


Greetings from the mountain top…

One of my most influential gurus was a foul-mouthed, rough-edged janitor named Eddy.

During a difficult time early in this lifetime, I once asked Eddy how one lives with choices. Especially incorrect choices.

We were sitting in front of a television, watching the NFL draft, when I asked the question but Eddy didn’t speak for a very long time. I never learned if he used these silences to carefully craft his answer, if the bourbon he seemed to be continuously drinking had rotted the receptors of his brain, or if he really didn’t give a shit enough to rush his words.

“It’s draft day, bitch.” Eddy finally said. “You make the best choices you can with the best information you have available just like these NFL teams. Some years are busts, some years are good, a year or two is amazing if you’re lucky and…if you’re really lucky…you might even win a Super Bowl.

“Then again you might just always lose like the fucking Browns.”

Peace out ya NFL-loving freaks


Filed under Current Events, Philosophy


Greetings from the mountain top…

Today we continue our lessons to assist the women of the world in finding a man who will make their days blissful, amazing, intense, passionate, and orgasmic.  Or, perhaps, just to help find a dude capable of doing a decent job of mowing the lawn.  (I was told once that women marry men because vibrators can’t mow the lawn, but I’m hoping that was in jest).

The lesson today–Go past your biology.

Humans, at our core, are animals.  There can be no argument about that.  Sometimes, such as during passionate sex or when defending a loved one from attack, this is an especially good quality.  When looking for a mate, however, female biology can be an extreme hindrance to finding love.

Not so long ago our biologic imperative was relevant and necessary:  Look for a strong, dominant, bad boy and know on an instinctive level that your tribe or your family will be protected and safe.  Logical.

Today, however, the bad boy rarely serves a genuine purpose other than to make for good television, trashy romance novels, or lead singers in rock bands.

To be protected, in the modern era, a man of knowledge and calm is actually more advantageous than the chest-pounding Neanderthal.  Sure, Bill Gates may not rock your world on first glance, but I’d say he’s done a pretty good job protecting his family, dominating the world, and being the ‘bad boy’ of the current era.  Bill and his ilk are to the modern world what Genghis Kahn or Teddy Roosevelt or Chuck Norris were to theirs–dominant forces you just don’t fuck with.

Ladies, listen to The Guru. There are amazing men all around you and they are actually in the majority for the first time in history.  They simply aren’t what the genetic biologic imperative pushes toward. The cliche ‘bad boy’ is increasingly useless and their numbers are rapidly dwindling which is exactly why finding one is so difficult (unless you enjoy conjugal visits at the prison).

Biology takes eons to evolve. Civilization, however, is changing faster than a 14-year-old girl’s emotions and the smart women are keeping up with the times.

Set aside biology, ladies, and see who can protect and provide and support and be an acceptable partner in the modern age. You’ll find kind, gentle, inquisitive, intelligent men who aren’t much use when it comes to nailing boards, tuning up automobiles, fending off mongrel hordes, or arm wrestling.  They are, however, loyal, caring, attentive and willing to step up to the plate if given the opportunity.

For a variety of reasons, men have rapidly evolved beyond some (key word ‘some‘) of their genetic predispositions to survive in this new civilization (although sexually all is at is ever was in ways both good and bad), but they are rarely the stereotype biology would have you notice.

If you’ll look beyond your instincts, and look clearly at the world around you, you’ll see that biology has fallen behind the times. There are good men available, they are willing to be a life partner, but they are not what your DNA desires.

The world has changed. Perhaps it’s time you change, also.

Peace out ya biological freaks.


Filed under Dating


Greetings from the mountain top…

When not teaching, pondering, playing naked Twister with 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks (currently from Agate), or writing The Guru enjoys watching sports.

Sports are the great equalizer and, on certain occasions, show us what is right with humanity and how we aren’t all that different despite what world leaders would have us believe.

The Little League World Series winds down this weekend, but if you get the opportunity to watch the ABC story about the team from Uganda (this was their first trip to America and to the Series) I dare you to not shed a tear.  Their story proves that we humans are, still, basically good.  The written article (which is excellent) can be found by clicking here, but it lacks the emotionalism of the video.

The Guru was doing guru-stuff in the deep South during integration and recalls watching sports bring together parents of two races by giving them a common cause and a common color (the team color).  The positive reaction of the crowd at Williamsport, PA (home of The Little League World Series) reminded me of the good that came in the south from sports and reminded me that sports, ultimately, are simply a child’s game and that children (including the child inside each of us) just want to enjoy life.

These little boys from Uganda laugh, they cry, they miss their parents, they play hard, they smile, they struggle and they want to do something special–like everyone else.  We aren’t all that different, children.  In fact, we’re pretty much alike when one takes the time to see past the surface differences.

Look for sameness, not difference, and you’ll find it in every person you meet every single day of your life.  That, ultimately, is our saving grace.

Peace out ya baseball freaks

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