Monthly Archives: September 2012

PONDERING THE BENEFITS OF BEING A CONVICTED FELON

 

Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru has lived (within reason in all but two states) a crime-free life, but after reading a recent article (click here to read) he wonders if that choice has been a colossal  mistake.

A Massachusetts convicted killer is getting a sex-change operation–paid for by you, the taxpayer–because it was deemed in his…her…it’s best health interest.

Well hell’s, bells…who knew?  I’m thinking that needing regular sex from 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks is in my best health interest.  Think they’ll pay for that if I get thrown in the slammer?

Peace out ya felonious freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Sexuality

PONDERING THE RETURN TO SMALL TOWN AMERICA–THANKS TO TECHNOLOGY

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Greetings from the mountain top…

Once upon a time, when The Guru was a tiny lad, life in America was simple.  Truly.

Like John Mellencamp (I truly miss Johnny Cougar), The Guru was reared in a small town.  Life wasn’t fair or equal or just for all, but it was simple primarily because of the small town and the fact that far less people were roaming the lands.  Bing Crosby played on the radio (we never heard him hit his children), Count Basie and his orchestra calmed our jangled nerves, Gary Cooper stood 30 feet tall on the big screen and always did the right thing, Abbot and Costello made us laugh, Gene Autry kept watch over the prairie (where the hell did they hide the orchestra as he sang while on horseback?) and people strove to do the right thing far more often than not.

People weren’t better or more morale then, contrary to popular opinion.  They simply lacked the anonymity to do wrong.

In a small town (we had party telephone lines then–all houses on a street shared one phone line and you could listen in on your neighbors phone call) anonymity is nonexistent and your choices are instantly broadcast throughout the county.  Do wrong, date a married woman, take some cash out of the till, hit your wife, come home drunk, or lie in business and your neighbors, friends, and relatives know pretty quickly.  Self-policing at it’s finest.

Then the nation exploded, we all migrated to big cities for big opportunities, we became increasingly anonymous, and trouble soon followed.

Peer pressure can be a negative, but it also serves a positive purpose in a civilized society–it keeps us honest and moral.  Chris Rock, one of The Gurus favorite young comedians, says that “Men are as faithful as their options.”  Therein lies the problem.  Too many options (and too much anonymity) lead to too many wrong choices.

The internet, however, is in the process of shrinking the world at an exponential pace which has had the unexpected consequence of yanking our huge, rapidly expanding and anonymous world back into a figurative small town.  Politicians can no longer escape their actions by blending in with the crowd.  School teachers and priests can’t diddle students without the video surfacing on YouTube.  Neighbors can’t steal and jerks can’t escape and wrong-doers are ultimately exposed even in the government (thank you WikiLeaks) because the small town is alive and well albeit online.

The small town of 2012 doesn’t look like the little rest stop in which The Guru was raised.  There isn’t a soda shop or only one traffic light, everyone doesn’t call you by name as you walk down the street, and you probably won’t be visited by the Ladies Auxiliary to be asked to contribute to the Veteran’s Day parade but make no mistake–the small town is alive and well and we should all be thankful.

Thank you Bill Gates (or Al Gore, or whoever the hell wants to take credit) for returning transparency to the universe even if it wasn’t your original intention.  The world is again small and, through positive peer pressure and an increasing lack of anonymity, we’re more and more likely to choose right if only because our ability to get away with wrong is shrinking.

Yes, the internet allows us to hide.  It also prevents us from hiding.  Each incarnation of technological advance seems to strip away a bit more of our anonymity and while that is dubious for privacy rights it is also a positive in terms of the pressure to do right.

_____________________________
Well I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
Prob’ly die in a small town
Oh, those small – communities  John (Cougar) Mellencamp, 1985

Peace out ya small town freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy, Uncategorized

PONDERING ALTERNATE HAND MASTURBATION AND OTHER WAYS TO GET OUT OF A RUT

Greetings from the mountain top…

As much as The Guru hates to admit it, he is human.

Like any human I sometimes get into a rut.  Seriously, how many young woman can you have sex with, how much wine can you drink, how much weed can you smoke, and how much amazing fun can you have before you become stuck in a rut of your own making?  Yeh, life is sometimes tough on the boulder.

Here, then, is a list of a few items to help you break out of your daily rut:

…masturbate with your other hand (it’s not cheating, but it sure as hell feels like it)

…wear your undergarments (assuming you wear any) on the outside

…have a backwards day (eat dinner first thing in the morning, breakfast before bed)

…watch television channels you’ve never watched even if you don’t like the program

….call up a friend you haven’t spoken to in ages

…buy three fruits you’ve never tasted

…walk up to a total stranger and pick up the conversation mid stream (…so that’s why I told her she was out of her mind.  What do you think?)

…go to a movie theater and buy a ticket for the person behind you (then sit behind them and make obnoxious noises the entire time)

…stand backward in an elevator and pretend everyone else has it wrong

…wake up an hour earlier than normal

…turn on your radio (or Pandora or whatever you listen to), and tune in to music you normally ignore

…pick up a coloring book and crayons at the store and channel your inner seven-year-old for an hour

…go to the park and swing

…ask a random stranger at the coffee shop to join your table

…use your opposite hand one entire day for routine tasks

…shop at a different grocery store or reverse your normal pathway at your own store

…sit, face-to-face, with your significant other (without talking or touching) for 30 minutes

…engage in non-penetration sex (come on, use your imagination)

…write a letter to someone famous and actually mail it

…go to a concert of a band you’ve never heard of (and don’t look them up on YouTube first)

…take a wherever trip (pick a direction and wherever you end up is where you meant to go)

Peace out ya routine-based freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy

PONDERING REGRET AND THE POWER OF LETTING GO

Greetings from the mountain top…

As hard as it is to fathom, sometimes the words of another are better than The Guru’s.

Such is the case with the subjects of regret, forgiveness, and letting go of the past.  Written by Beth Nielsen Chapman and sung by Willie Nelson, the following lyrics answers this pondering perfectly.

Nothing I Can Do About It Now

I’ve got a long list of real good reasons 
For all the things I’ve done 
I’ve got a picture in the back of my mind 
Of what I’ve lost and what I’ve won

 I’ve survived every situation 
Knowing when to freeze and when to run 
And regret is just a memory written on my brow 
And there’s nothing I can do about it now. 

I’ve got a wild and a restless spirit 
I held my price through every deal 
I’ve seen the fire of a woman’s scorn 
Turn her heart of gold to steel 

I’ve got the song of the voice inside me 
Set to the rhythm of the wheel 
And I’ve been dreaming like a child 
Since the cradle broke the bough 
And there’s nothing I can do about it now. 

Running through the changes 
Going through the stages 
Coming round the corners in my life 

Leaving doubt to fate 
Staying out too late 
Waiting for the moon to say goodniight 

And I could cry for the time I’ve wasted 
But that’s a waste of time and tears, 
And I know just what I’d change 
If went back in time somehow 
But there’s nothing I can do about it now.

Running through the changes 
Going through the stages 
Coming round the corners in my life 

Leaving doubt to fate 
Staying out too late 
Waiting for the moon to say goodniight 

And I could cry for the time I’ve wasted 
But that’s a waste of time and tears 
And I know just what I’d change 
If went back in time somehow 
But there’s nothing I can do about it now. 

I’m forgiving everything that forgiveness will allow 
And there’s nothing I can do about it now.

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Filed under Death, Philosophy, religion

PONDERING THE PURPOSE OF SLEEP

Greetings from the mountain top…

The guru two mountains over came to visit this morning and, as we watched the sun rise while enjoying a piping hot cup of mountain goat tea, we began discussing the purpose of sleep.

With a bevy of 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks (currently from Craig) asleep on the floor of the man cave the discourse was either going to be about sleep or the various positions in which seven woman can…but, I digress.

Throughout my many lifetimes I’ve listened to those who bemoan the need for sleep or who crave it and look forward to it.  That those sleep-obsessed parties were unaware of the true purpose of sleep does not lessen the telling nature of their views.  Sleep, you see, is a preparatory activity for death and how one views sleep is a good indicator of how one views death (and life).

There are very few experiences which one cannot share with others–even relieving ones self can be shared (and some actually pay good money to, but again I digress).  Sleep and death, however, are solo activities which one must experience completely alone. Sleep prepares you for death although an argument can be made that death is actually sleeping to an obsessive level.

No matter how much you struggle you ultimately cannot avoid falling asleep anymore than you can you avoid dying.  Both can be delayed, both can be fought, both can be unwanted, but both–ultimately–win.  Make peace with sleep in order to make peace with your inevitable death, but avoid embracing sleep too often or too soon–you do not need to practice dying.

Good luck falling asleep tonight with that factoid rattling in your brain.

Peace out ya sleepy little freaks

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Filed under Death, Philosophy