Category Archives: Current Events

PONDERING THE BENEFITS OF BEING A CONVICTED FELON

 

Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru has lived (within reason in all but two states) a crime-free life, but after reading a recent article (click here to read) he wonders if that choice has been a colossal  mistake.

A Massachusetts convicted killer is getting a sex-change operation–paid for by you, the taxpayer–because it was deemed in his…her…it’s best health interest.

Well hell’s, bells…who knew?  I’m thinking that needing regular sex from 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks is in my best health interest.  Think they’ll pay for that if I get thrown in the slammer?

Peace out ya felonious freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Sexuality

PONDERING THE RETURN TO SMALL TOWN AMERICA–THANKS TO TECHNOLOGY

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Greetings from the mountain top…

Once upon a time, when The Guru was a tiny lad, life in America was simple.  Truly.

Like John Mellencamp (I truly miss Johnny Cougar), The Guru was reared in a small town.  Life wasn’t fair or equal or just for all, but it was simple primarily because of the small town and the fact that far less people were roaming the lands.  Bing Crosby played on the radio (we never heard him hit his children), Count Basie and his orchestra calmed our jangled nerves, Gary Cooper stood 30 feet tall on the big screen and always did the right thing, Abbot and Costello made us laugh, Gene Autry kept watch over the prairie (where the hell did they hide the orchestra as he sang while on horseback?) and people strove to do the right thing far more often than not.

People weren’t better or more morale then, contrary to popular opinion.  They simply lacked the anonymity to do wrong.

In a small town (we had party telephone lines then–all houses on a street shared one phone line and you could listen in on your neighbors phone call) anonymity is nonexistent and your choices are instantly broadcast throughout the county.  Do wrong, date a married woman, take some cash out of the till, hit your wife, come home drunk, or lie in business and your neighbors, friends, and relatives know pretty quickly.  Self-policing at it’s finest.

Then the nation exploded, we all migrated to big cities for big opportunities, we became increasingly anonymous, and trouble soon followed.

Peer pressure can be a negative, but it also serves a positive purpose in a civilized society–it keeps us honest and moral.  Chris Rock, one of The Gurus favorite young comedians, says that “Men are as faithful as their options.”  Therein lies the problem.  Too many options (and too much anonymity) lead to too many wrong choices.

The internet, however, is in the process of shrinking the world at an exponential pace which has had the unexpected consequence of yanking our huge, rapidly expanding and anonymous world back into a figurative small town.  Politicians can no longer escape their actions by blending in with the crowd.  School teachers and priests can’t diddle students without the video surfacing on YouTube.  Neighbors can’t steal and jerks can’t escape and wrong-doers are ultimately exposed even in the government (thank you WikiLeaks) because the small town is alive and well albeit online.

The small town of 2012 doesn’t look like the little rest stop in which The Guru was raised.  There isn’t a soda shop or only one traffic light, everyone doesn’t call you by name as you walk down the street, and you probably won’t be visited by the Ladies Auxiliary to be asked to contribute to the Veteran’s Day parade but make no mistake–the small town is alive and well and we should all be thankful.

Thank you Bill Gates (or Al Gore, or whoever the hell wants to take credit) for returning transparency to the universe even if it wasn’t your original intention.  The world is again small and, through positive peer pressure and an increasing lack of anonymity, we’re more and more likely to choose right if only because our ability to get away with wrong is shrinking.

Yes, the internet allows us to hide.  It also prevents us from hiding.  Each incarnation of technological advance seems to strip away a bit more of our anonymity and while that is dubious for privacy rights it is also a positive in terms of the pressure to do right.

_____________________________
Well I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
Prob’ly die in a small town
Oh, those small – communities  John (Cougar) Mellencamp, 1985

Peace out ya small town freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy, Uncategorized

PONDERING ALTERNATE HAND MASTURBATION AND OTHER WAYS TO GET OUT OF A RUT

Greetings from the mountain top…

As much as The Guru hates to admit it, he is human.

Like any human I sometimes get into a rut.  Seriously, how many young woman can you have sex with, how much wine can you drink, how much weed can you smoke, and how much amazing fun can you have before you become stuck in a rut of your own making?  Yeh, life is sometimes tough on the boulder.

Here, then, is a list of a few items to help you break out of your daily rut:

…masturbate with your other hand (it’s not cheating, but it sure as hell feels like it)

…wear your undergarments (assuming you wear any) on the outside

…have a backwards day (eat dinner first thing in the morning, breakfast before bed)

…watch television channels you’ve never watched even if you don’t like the program

….call up a friend you haven’t spoken to in ages

…buy three fruits you’ve never tasted

…walk up to a total stranger and pick up the conversation mid stream (…so that’s why I told her she was out of her mind.  What do you think?)

…go to a movie theater and buy a ticket for the person behind you (then sit behind them and make obnoxious noises the entire time)

…stand backward in an elevator and pretend everyone else has it wrong

…wake up an hour earlier than normal

…turn on your radio (or Pandora or whatever you listen to), and tune in to music you normally ignore

…pick up a coloring book and crayons at the store and channel your inner seven-year-old for an hour

…go to the park and swing

…ask a random stranger at the coffee shop to join your table

…use your opposite hand one entire day for routine tasks

…shop at a different grocery store or reverse your normal pathway at your own store

…sit, face-to-face, with your significant other (without talking or touching) for 30 minutes

…engage in non-penetration sex (come on, use your imagination)

…write a letter to someone famous and actually mail it

…go to a concert of a band you’ve never heard of (and don’t look them up on YouTube first)

…take a wherever trip (pick a direction and wherever you end up is where you meant to go)

Peace out ya routine-based freaks

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PONDERING THAT SALAD KILLS AND VEGETARIANS WILL DOOM THE PLANET

Greetings from the mountain top…

Many of the 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks who visit the mountain top proudly proclaim their aversion to all things meat (well, almost all things).  When pressed for details as to ‘why’ they usually respond with vacant stares and vacuous arguments about saving the planet, humane treatment of animals, and a healthier diet.

Bolux.

The truth is salad kills and vegetarians are engaged in a ruthless campaign to eliminate humans from this planet.  I, for one, will not sit idly while the murderous vegans wage a silent war against my existence.

Much like trying to find a virgin in Los Angeles, looking for logic in the vegetarian argument is futile at best.  The truth is there are a few, basic realities that must be considered when debating meat eating versus plant:

1)               All life on earth needs oxygen to survive.

2)               Plants produce nearly all of the oxygen on earth.

3)               Methane and carbon dioxide form the majority of dangerous greenhouse gases.

4)               Methane is responsible for nearly as much global warming as all other non carbon dioxide gases combined.

5)               Methane is 21 times more powerful a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide.

6)               Animal agriculture produces over 100 million tons of methane each year.

CONCLUSIONS:

1)     Eating plants robs the earth of vital oxygen.

2)     Eating plants allows deadly methane producers (animals) to reproduce freely.

3)     Eating animals instead of plants allows for more oxygen while greatly reducing methane.

Save the earth.  Eat meat.

Peace out ya carnivorous freaks

<a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>www.hypersmash.com</a&gt;

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PONDERING WAYS TO FRUSTRATE YOURSELF

Greetings from the mountain top…

The 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks who come to study at the feet of The Guru started a tradition many years ago (I’m not talking about the tradition of removing clothing and sitting…but, I digress) of playing a verbal game called Frustration.

The object is pretty simple–think of as many ways as possible to frustrate yourself.

What’s the point? It’s fun, for one. But also, Frustration tends to show how petty our daily annoyances are and the game has a way of liberating us from our predisposition toward negativity by pointing out the absurdity of the little things that steal our happiness.  Learn to laugh at the negative and you learn to smile at life.

Ways To Frustrate Yourself…

…look for coffee in Provo, Utah

…look for a virgin in Los Angeles

…be a eunuch and go to the whorehouse on free pussy day

…surf news channels waiting for intelligent utterings

…go to Congress and wait for something useful to occur

…look for weed at a NA meeting

…hope to find a stable relationship by searching on craigslist

…expect reality TV to produce one meaningful, poignant moment

…hope that a car with a religious bumper sticker won’t drive slow in the passing lane

…hope that someone with a coexist bumper sticker won’t look smug as you pass them on the highway

…go to a meeting of democrats and search for an open mind

…go to a meeting of republicans and find empathy

…go to a meeting of independents and find even one strain of common discourse

…listen for meaningful discussions at a strip club

…get a man to not stare at your tits at a night club

…look for a clean nose at a day care

…rev your engine to make the traffic light change color

…press the elevator button repeatedly to close the door

…expect a teenager to make sense

…wait for your parents to understand you

Peace out ya frustrated freaks

<a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>www.hypersmash.com</a&gt;

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PONDERING A MOVIE RECOMMENDATION

 

Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru has long taught about the power of time and how good comes from bad, peace grows from turmoil, and order arises from chaos if only we are patient and allow the change to blossom of it’s own accord.

Recently, I saw a film and the lesson has never been captured  more beautifully or more emotionally.  I highly recommend this movie to you:

Mother and Child, 2009, with Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, Kerry Washington and a cast of others you’ll instantly recognize.

Peace out ya loving freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Movies, Philosophy

PONDERING THE DEBATE ON ABORTION AND THE WIZARD OF OZ

Greetings from the mountain top…

Part of the job of a guru is attempting to make sense of difficult subjects, questions, and debates.  Part of that process is having the patience to walk completely around a topic (sometimes for years), to poke and prod, to not form rapid, emotional conclusions and then to set the topic aside for a while before ultimately issuing an answer.

All of that is a polite way of saying that this lesson isn’t one entered in to lightly.

Let me save some time for those of you, on either side of the abortion issue, who may be lighting torches and heading to the mountain top–there is no opinion or ultimate answer in the words to follow.  Just a dissection of what has passed for intelligent discourse these past decades.

In the movie The Wizard of Oz Dorothy and her band of misfits, after asking a simple request from an ‘all powerful’ being, were sent on a seemingly impossible task–bring back the broom of the Wicked Witch of the West.  The wizard knew the task a waste of time which was exactly the point–get those pesky thinkers out of his midst before they ruined a good gig.

So it is with politicians and the election-time rehashing of the debate on abortion.

The Guru finds it most interesting that–as with homosexual marriage–the abortion debate tends to most often rear it’s head around election time.  It could be said elections are the ideal opportunity to discuss what is really important, but The Guru is more cynical (you try living multiple lifetimes and not becoming a tad jaded about politicians) and believes those who orchestrate such debates do so to distract us all from the real question; namely, how the fuck are you doing–Mr. Politician–at the job (representing our needs) you were elected for and handsomely paid to do?

The truth is the ‘powers-that-be’ would much rather we argue amongst ourselves while they diddle us in the nether regions.

The typical questions of whether or not abortion is a woman’s choice, an abomination before God , an affront to nature, or none of our damn business is always framed within such narrow terms that I laugh out loud at the absurdity of ever finding a common answer.

For example, the argument that a woman can do with her body whatever she chooses –absurd.  Can she sell her pussy for money?  Nope–ask The Mayflower Madam or Heidi Fleiss or any crack whore on a big city street.  Can a woman, or any man for that matter, take their own life?  Well, yes you technically can…but it’s illegal.  What about selling an organ for profit–a kidney, for example?  Again, you cannot and will be swiftly arrested and prosecuted should you try.

Whether or not those actions should be legal is an entirely different debate, but please don’t toss out the ‘woman’s right’ argument.  It holds no water regardless of court decisions.

So abortion is an abomination against God’s will?  The Bible (if that’s what you choose to follow) does have a commandment against taking a life and those who believe that text should adhere to it, but what about non-Christians? Should they have to follow the rules of a religion that isn’t theirs?  Isn’t forcing ones religious beliefs into the courtroom the same thing feared by Christians about Islamic fundamentalists and Sharia law?   If it is right for Christians to force their belief on others in one topic (abortion) then why is it not right for all of their beliefs to be forced on all others as well?

I hear you saying that this is a Christian nation and we should live by God’s law. Actually, bucko, no.  It isn’t.  The United States of America is a nation of freedom to choose your own religion and that freedom has led to a majority of citizens choosing Christianity.  That’s not the same as a nation based on one particular ideology.  In fact, that’s the antithesis of the desires of our founding fathers.

Then abortion must be against nature because nature always protects life, especially the life of the young, correct?  Again, the argument doesn’t hold.  Infantcide in the animal kingdom is very common (in particular among primates, cats, dogs, rodents, insects, and fish) and occurs for numerous reasons including: to gain food, to gain increased access to nesting sites or space, to avoid caring for unrelated offspring, and to bias the sex ratio of the litter along with a multitude of other reasons.

Children, none of the traditional arguments about abortion (pro or con) hold water when thoroughly examined, and The Guru has examined them since well before Roe v Wade.  What tends to happen instead of true examination of this issue, unfortunately, is that rhetoric is increased, embers are flamed during election season, and rational discourse disappears like a fart in the wind.

There is no answer because abortion is a koan (look it up, The Guru ain’t a vocabulary teacher) and it is a tool used to distract us from the issues destined to overwhelm our society.  The next time a politician raises the issue of abortion or homosexual marriage calm your emotions and think–it’s not a four-letter word–about what this individual could possibly not want you to think about.

What are they truly hiding behind the curtain?

Yes, children, sometimes a guru never reaches an answer because the question asked is intentionally unsolvable.  A koan.  Some tasks, or questions, are meant to be a fool’s errand whether it be claiming a broom or debating that which has no answer.

“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” Dorothy and her crew were told by the Wizard.  Perhaps it’s time you did paid attention.

Peace out ya yellow brick freaks

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PONDERING EDDY PART 8

Greetings from the mountain top…

One of my most influential gurus was a foul-mouthed, rough-edged janitor named Eddy.

During a difficult time early in this lifetime, I once asked Eddy how one lives with choices. Especially incorrect choices.

We were sitting in front of a television, watching the NFL draft, when I asked the question but Eddy didn’t speak for a very long time. I never learned if he used these silences to carefully craft his answer, if the bourbon he seemed to be continuously drinking had rotted the receptors of his brain, or if he really didn’t give a shit enough to rush his words.

“It’s draft day, bitch.” Eddy finally said. “You make the best choices you can with the best information you have available just like these NFL teams. Some years are busts, some years are good, a year or two is amazing if you’re lucky and…if you’re really lucky…you might even win a Super Bowl.

“Then again you might just always lose like the fucking Browns.”

Peace out ya NFL-loving freaks

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PONDERING THE LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES AND OUR SAMENESS

Greetings from the mountain top…

When not teaching, pondering, playing naked Twister with 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks (currently from Agate), or writing The Guru enjoys watching sports.

Sports are the great equalizer and, on certain occasions, show us what is right with humanity and how we aren’t all that different despite what world leaders would have us believe.

The Little League World Series winds down this weekend, but if you get the opportunity to watch the ABC story about the team from Uganda (this was their first trip to America and to the Series) I dare you to not shed a tear.  Their story proves that we humans are, still, basically good.  The written article (which is excellent) can be found by clicking here, but it lacks the emotionalism of the video.

The Guru was doing guru-stuff in the deep South during integration and recalls watching sports bring together parents of two races by giving them a common cause and a common color (the team color).  The positive reaction of the crowd at Williamsport, PA (home of The Little League World Series) reminded me of the good that came in the south from sports and reminded me that sports, ultimately, are simply a child’s game and that children (including the child inside each of us) just want to enjoy life.

These little boys from Uganda laugh, they cry, they miss their parents, they play hard, they smile, they struggle and they want to do something special–like everyone else.  We aren’t all that different, children.  In fact, we’re pretty much alike when one takes the time to see past the surface differences.

Look for sameness, not difference, and you’ll find it in every person you meet every single day of your life.  That, ultimately, is our saving grace.

Peace out ya baseball freaks

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PONDERING NEIL ARMSTRONG AND THE DAY THE UNIVERSE GREW SMALLER

Greetings from the mountain top…

Neil Armstrong, the first person to set foot on the moon, died today.

For those too young to recall, the world (literally) was glued to the television as Mr. Armstrong stepped out of the lunar module, down the ladder, and onto the surface of the moon.

His footprint changed, forever, how we all viewed this cosmos in which we live and ushered in a new era of possibilities.  From that day forward, thinkers of the world have repeated the phrase “If we can land on the moon then I wonder if we can…”

“This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” Neil Armstrong July 21, 1969

Peace out ya lunar freaks

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