PONDERING GAY AND STRAIGHT FOODS

Greetings from the mountain top…

One of the 20-something, wanna-be, hippie chicks (we shall call her Candy, not to be confused with The Guru’s favorite stripper of the same name who has the most amazing ability to take a lit cigarette and…but I digress) brought a bag of Chick-Fil-A to the mountain top today as a gift to The Guru (who really digs munching on some Chick-Fil-A…and, just to be polite, the provider of the gift as well) and was instantly chastised by a few of the other nymphettes.

“You’re eating gay-bashing food!” they exclaimed. “Oh my fucking God I cannot believe you’re going to put that in your mouth.” The Guru was tempted to discuss a few of the things the nymphs had recently put in their mouth, but The Guru isn’t an idiot.

Oh my ignorant, stupid ass, really need to get a fucking life children…gay bashing food? Straight food? Sometimes it’s all a guru can do to not bitch slap all of you in one collective blow (and I suppose now that collective blow will be gayified…yes, it’s a word because The Guru says so).

I stood by silently when children’s TV characters were labeled gay (although you have to admit that Aquaman is pretty fucking messed up on several levels), and when no one figured out that WHAM! was gay for a number of years, and even when colors were adopted to indicate your level of straight or not…but food?

There are times when the world needs a designated adult and, as of today, The Guru officially orders all of you to KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF!

A company can have their opinions and values. A person can have their opinions and values. A people, a nation, a church, a community can all have their opinions and values. Food, however, is food. And some of it is really freaking yummy regardless of the narrow or broad minds behind it.

The Guru is a peace-loving man, an advocate of non-violence, a meditator, a lover of sunsets, fine wine, good weed, and free love. But if anyone tries to take away his Chick-Fil-A The Guru is going to go medieval on your ass.

You’ve been warned.

Peace out ya foodie freaks

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Filed under Current Events, Philosophy

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