Greetings from the mountain top…

The guru two mountains over dropped by this morning as the 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks from Boulder were waking up. Stepping over their tangled bodies I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t staring at the puppy pile of taut nymphs as was customary. In fact, he seemed oblivious to their naked bodies–even the one who had a boa constrictor wrapped…but I digress.

‘Perplexed’, he responded when I queried him on his unusual state.

It seems he has been dating a woman for a few weeks and as they began to explore their sexual connection the bedroom talk turned, as it usually does (if you’re doing it right anyway) to fantasies. “I have an extremely open mind,” his date stated. And that, children, is where the trouble began.

Phrases and terms are relative to one’s life experience, culture, geography and a litany of other factors but my guru friend forgot this fundamental fact which almost lead to his castration.

Of all the terms that have the potential to explode a relationship ‘open-minded’ is near the top. What is kinky to one person is a boring night for another. Therein lies the problem as people tend to assume they have a lot of life experience–until they meet someone who really has. So how to determine sexual compatibility without the name Bobbit being uttered? How to expand your range of fantasy experiences without losing the person you like? And how—oh how to convince a 20-something we shall call Candy that calling her sister and asking if she would…but I digress.

There is a line–sometimes a fine one and sometimes quite broad–between missing out on an amazing sexual experience and in explaining yourself to a judge. The Guru has found it most helpful to probe rather than confront when hearing the term ‘open-minded’. Ask more questions, push gently, watch for facial expressions and keep your eye on the steak knife–just in case.

Words, like loaded guns, should be aimed only when you are certain you can live with the result. The next time someone says they are ‘open-minded’ let the alarms sound and your guard go up. You may have just hit the sexual jackpot, but you may also have found a sexual crackpot. Such a fine, fine line between heaven and hell.

Peace out ya semantic freaks

1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Philosophy


  1. Domi

    Folks don’t want to offend others by having perceived narrow views about anything, so openminded is the pc way of saying that one is not limited in their views or actions. People can’t avoid having a viewpoint but are to worried about being accused of being closedminded since that is so negative. Discernment is necessary instead of following the anything goes plan.

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