Greetings from the mountain top…
While the throngs of 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks (typically from Boulder) who climb to my perch far above the flat lands usually come to learn, they also occasionally teach.
A few nights ago, as we untangled from a puppy pile and as the girls argued over who wore what thong, one nubile nymph we shall call Candy (not to be confused with The Gurus favorite stripper of the same name who has the most amazing ability to take one of her legs and…but I digress) chatted with another nymph about her shifting feelings towards a young man. “Guru Dude,” she said after finding her undies, “friends with benefits is bullshit. Someone always gets hurt.” That’s enough to make a guru cry.
Young Candy is wise behind her years (not to mention flexible). Psychologically, emotionally and, surprise surprise, physically friends with benefits IS bullshit. It isn’t part of our genetic makeup to engage, on an ongoing basis, in recreational sex with only one partner and have our psyche or our hearts remain unaffected. Yet another reason The Guru has multitudes of lovers.
Note that this teaching is specifically about FWB–FRIENDS With Benefits and not about casual sex with different partners. There is a difference, but the latter topic is for a later discussion (and does have a different outcome for most).
FRIENDS With Benefits is most difficult to pull off regardless of age, socioeconomic condition, or level of education. Why? Chemistry. The brain, specifically, the female brain, emits strong nuerochemicals after sex. Nature has basic functions for each gender of any species. For the male the mandate is fuck it or fight it. For the female the mandate is nurture and protect. After sex, powerful neurochemicals are released in the female brain and in a one-time random encounter easily forgotten. During an ongoing relationship, however, the female brain begins to imprint (attach, if you will) on the partner–not good for anyone if casual is the true goal.
The Guru sees many women of all ages (and, fortunately, sees them in various states of dress and in an array of positions–a favorite, in fact, involves standing….but I digress) and far too many seem to go along with the Friends With Benefits concept because they think it’s the path of least resistance. Give a man what he wants today and you can get what you want tomorrow. Or, worse, they truly believe they can handle it being unaware of their own chemical tendencies. A recent study showed men had an 80% positive rating of their Friends With Benefit situation, but women had only a 54% positive view. Chemistry always wins, children.
The Guru is a fan of sex, and anything but a prude, but he is more a fan of healthy self-esteem, balanced psyches, and emotional stability. Remember that saying about ‘If it sounds to good to be true…?’ Yeh, it applies to friends with benefits, kiddo.
Wake up ducky. There ain’t no free lunch.
Peace out ya boinking freaks