Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru is an equal-opportunity teacher and understands that women understand men just as well as men understand women. And by understand he means, neither sex has a fucking clue about the other.

Today’s Lesson Ladies: Think like a stripper.

Before you start a mass protest with Gloria Allred in the lead and an email flaming campaign led by Oprah and Angelina Jolie know that The Guru isn’t referring to sex. At least not at this point.

Why, dear ladies, do men enjoy going to strip clubs? Understand this and you will understand how to get, and always keep, the attention of the man you desire.

Do men enjoy over-paying for cheap liquor? No.
Do men really like gagging on cheap perfume that has been applied by the handful? No
Do they enjoy being jostled by other equally horny men? No
Do men really like handing over cash? No
Do they want to be in seedy parts of town where they risk being mugged? No
Do they really want to marry and spend the rest of their lives with an exotic dancer named Candy? (Well, Candy might be an exception, but you see it’s really only because she can be upside down with her tits….but I digress.)

The answer is no, No, NO FUCKING NO.

Men continue visiting strippers because these women are experts at understanding the true nature of the male.

Men, by nature and DNA, are hunters. They are bred to pursue and will pursue, often to the exclusion of all else, until the obtain their goal and then they quickly move on to the next pursuit. It’s biological and no amount of sensitivity training, Alan Alda marathons, or awe-shucks Tim Tebow look at me I’m still a fucking virgin sermons are going to change millions of years of evolutionary reality.

Strippers let the men get close, but not too close. The men can see, but they cannot have. They can desire, but not be fulfilled. Strippers tease and promise and offer and suggest but they never fully deliver.

Think like a stripper ladies–never let your man have everything he wants. Ever. Unless, of course, you are one of my students in which case The Guru should always get exactly what he wants or you may never reach enlightenment…and you do want to reach enlightenment, correct?

As a woman it’s easy to think like a woman (see The Guru’s teachings on ITYTWIT for more detail), but you must think like a man. Never fulfill all of his desires. Never make him totally satisfied. Never take him as far as you can. Never be everything he could ever want. Never. Always leave him wanting Just. A. Little. Bit. More. Like a stripper. Women often mistakenly believe that if they rock their man’s world he’ll never stray, but that ignores the biological imperative of the hunt. Once men have acquired the object of their hunt, no matter how fucking awesome that object is, they NEED to hunt again.

So never let them finish hunting you. Like a stripper.

Men want to pursue, and they will pursue a crafty woman until the day she dies–if she releases her inner stripper mind. Besides, the tips aren’t too shabby either.

Peace out ya pole avoiding freaks

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Filed under Dating, Philosophy, Sexuality

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