PONDERING DATING FROM A LIST

Greetings from the mountain top…

The Guru two mountains over was here earlier today and expressed frustration at his dating situation.

“Everyone seems to have A LIST,” he explained.  “And if you don’t fit that list perfectly in every single way…poof…it’s over.  Sometimes it’s over by email before you’ve every even met!”

Dating from a list.  The Guru was perplexed. The Guru has shopped from a list, used a list to keep track of items needing accomplishment, and has listed things of which he is proud.  But a list to date?  That is still going on in the lands below?

A few years The Guru was teaching a couple (not attached and not at the same time, but in a similar time frame) both with identical dating difficulties who both wanted to free themselves from the frustrations of their dating efforts.  They each used a list.

Each list was well thought out, highly detailed, specific and completely out of touch with reality.

The woman, for instance, ONLY wanted a man over six feet tall (Less than 7 percent of the entire population of the world is over six feet tall so her pool of candidates was drastically reduced from the start.)  She ONLY wanted a man making over six figures in income (The pool shrank again as less than 5 percent of the population of the U.S. fits that bill.).  She ONLY wanted a man over 45 who had never had children and she ONLY wanted a man in amazing physical shape.

I knew such a man I told her. I explained that, like herself, he was a student of mine frustrated with his lack of viable dating prospects.  She was excited and eager to learn more about this man until I showed her HIS dating list.  He wanted a woman who was:

….under 30

…gorgeous

…had no children (and doesn’t want any)

…highly educated and accomplished

…mature

…stable

…knows what she wants in life

…ready to settle down

“But that’s not reasonable,” she protested.  “It’s not fair. I have SO much to offer. So much more than some young thing.  And what woman under 30 knows what she wants out of life?  This is an absolutely ridiculous list.”  She was furious.

The Guru wishes that he could report clarity pierced her head and she understood the irony of her own list by comparison.  The Guru wishes he could say that she gained contentment with who she was and where she was in life and, like the great actresses who finally accept they will never again play the hot, young siren, adapt to what roles are available rather than longing for the ones that were available in the past.

The Guru also wishes he could report that he had similar success with the man, that he showed the man it was time to stop living in his college-age brain and that the man saw through the clouds of delusion and gained peace with his own aging and the joys that come from accepting what is as opposed to what never was.

The Guru also wishes the Park Rangers wouldn’t hassle him about his perch on the boulder, that the 20-something, wanna-be, hippie chicks who follow him didn’t leave their undies laying in his man cave, that he didn’t have saggy buttocks, and that the political season would end tomorrow.

Some wishes never come true.

Peace out you list-making freaks

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Filed under Dating, Philosophy

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