Greetings from the mountain top…

Unlike myself, the guru from two mountains over never took a vow of solitude and is therefore free to venture off of his perch (which is does frequently) and engage the land below.

Several nights ago he stopped by my boulder looking simply dapper.  He explained he was going on a first date and when I asked why he had shed his robes for something called a GQ look (generally qualified…green quadrant…perplexing), shaved his whiskers, and applied a fragrance he explained he wanted to ‘look his best’ for his date.  “I have to make a great first impression if I want to see her again,” he stated which I knew to translate to ‘if I have any chance of playing naked Twister with her in the foreseeable future’.

The Guru has pondered that ‘best first impression’ approach for quite a while…in between reassuring the 20-something, wanna-be, hippie chicks from Boulder that the world really isn’t going to end in December (that’s one line to NOT use on a young girl if you want her naked…fyi)…and think it is an approach destined to lead to disappointment.

If you start at ‘the best’ where does your relationship have to go but ‘the worst’? Is it any wonder that Westerners are divorcing in ever-increasing numbers?  After your first date (perhaps three) deep inside you always know things are never going to improve.  Her hair will never look better and her laugh won’t improve.  He’ll never dress sharper or be more interesting.  She’ll never grow bigger tits and he’ll never learn how find your g-spot.  This is as good as it will ever be.  Forever. And ever.

Wouldn’t it make sense to have your first dates at your ‘average’ since that’s where you’ll spend the majority of your time together?  And if your ‘best’ isn’t good enough what opportunity do you have to grow on the other?  Do you really think The Guru keeps himself surrounded with taut young bodies by presenting his best?  Silly rabbit. It’s the hope that I’ll improve that keeps them interested. Women love projects and men love fixer-uppers and we both appreciate not having the pressure of being ‘on’ except for special occasions, so why not make everyone happy and save a bundle on clothing?

Average…it gives hope that things can improve, but a healthy dose of reality that things can get worse if we don’t all pay attention to important items (such as reading a freaking book on the g-spot…if you can find her pussy you can figure the rest out gentlemen). The 20-something hippie chicks aren’t hanging around solely for wisdom and great weed.  Just saying.

Peace out you average freaks

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Filed under Dating, Philosophy

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