PONDERING CAPRI PANTS

Greetings from the mountain top…

The guru two mountains over sometimes provides me with reading material and today, for some ungodly reason, he brought me a fashion magazine.  I realize that he gets off to photographs, but The Guru is usually only satisfied with video porn or some titillating activity proposed by one of his 20-something, wanna-be hippie chicks from Boulder (who the hell came up with the term pegging?).

One of the few times The Guru unclinches his saggy buttocks from the boulder is to wander into the ravine to again clinch his buttocks.  During these moments reading materials are greatly appreciated, but how the guru two mountains over thought photographs of scantily clad women would promote a healthy bowel movement is beyond even my advanced wisdom.

Nonetheless, perusing this issue on summer fashion I came across something called capri pants.  Who the fuck pulled the Jedi mind trick on these women and convinced them to wear these erection-eliminating garments?  “Yes, ladies, you want these…they’ll make your legs look shorter, your feet look longer, and your ass look bigger.”  The Guru may have difficulty obtaining an erection tonight even when the usual three 20-something honeys pop in to the man cave to tuck him in.

Capri pants once again prove a point The Guru made many eons ago.  Women don’t dress to impress men.  They don’t dress to impress other women.  They dress to avoid making other women feel bad.

When men wear something ridiculous (such as capri pants, wife beater t-shirts, white dress shoes, or socks with sandals) other men immediately ridicule him to the point that he either a) removes the offensive item, burns it, and prays there are no photographs or b) is forever banished from the Guy Club and all rights contained therein.

Women, on the other hand, go to outlandish lengths to prevent a woman from feeling poorly about her clothing choice NOT because they are more compassionate.  Au contraire.  These women immediately adopt the offensive look (remember when, for a brief period, they rolled up the bottoms of their jeans???) IN CASE they one day create a fashion nightmare.  It’s insurance, pure and simple.

The image of those horrendous pants are burned into The Gurus brain…it’s going to take more than three groupies tonight to erase that stain.  That’s the excuse I’m going with, anyway.

Peace out ya freaks.

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Filed under Dating, Philosophy, Sexuality

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