Greetings from the mountain top…
Dating. Can anything be more painful? Other than childbirth (so I’ve been told), enduring a presidential campaign season, watching reality TV, or listening to a Shane Company (all rights reserved) radio ad.
Just yesterday the guru two mountains over made an astute observation when, returning from a date with a woman whose email photograph was 20 years and several Happy Meals (again, all rights reserved) ago, stated: “Guru…dating after 40 is like being a sniper with Parkinson’s.” I damn near fell off of my perch which is most un-Guru like and not something which induces confidence when you have a group of 20-something, wanna-be Boulder hippie chicks sitting at your feet all wide-eyed in anticipation of your next utterings.
“Where did it all go wrong?” The guru two mountains over asked. “When did dating become work? It wasn’t so hard in my 20’s…or perhaps I was just high on Reaganomics and cocaine and didn’t notice that this dating thing was H A RR D.” This is not confused with THE Guru who finds getting hard increasingly difficult (not from ED, but have you ever tried gaining an erection while balancing a laptop and squeezing your buttocks around a mountain top boulder?) I thought not. So shut up.
Anyway, dating. Somewhere along the way we all seemed to start thinking we had a right to ‘not settle’. To find THE one. Perfection. A yin to our yang, a jelly to our peanut butter, an oral to our…you get the idea. Who the fuck put such stupid ideas in our head??? I’ve read the manual of Life inside and out and NO WHERE does it say, “You have the right to find perfection.” Come on ducky, it doesn’t exist. Isn’t it more likely that, having blown up our world with careers, divorce, chasing ‘things’, reading self-help books, and gorging on Oprah that we have come to use ‘not settling’ as an excuse for ‘not trying, not caring, or not really wanting to settle DOWN’? And is that such a bad thing?
What’s wrong with wanting to fuck different people, date different people, talk to different people, dance with different people and NOT have that have to be all the SAME people (I know, not grammatical but I was on a roll)???
Here’s a hint. It’s not wrong.
You don’t have to settle or settle down. You’re a RWA (real world adult) and it’s OK to remain single, uncommitted, unattached, and available for whatever.
But please, let’s all take a Guru vow (not the type I give the 20-something, Boulder hippie chicks which involves worshiping my saggy buttocks for all eternity or until I achieve orgasm)..
Guru (this is where you repeat after me)…seriously,
From this day forward
To not lie
Or in my dating profile
About what I really want
Because I realize
I want nothing
Except another day
Sleep well fellow freaks. It’s time for me to sign off and tend to the needs of a few marijuana enabled 20-something, Boulder hippie chicks. A Guru’s work is never done.
Peace out ya dating freaks